Episode 7
Bon Voyage!
In the city center.
A thermometer on a balcony is showing 90 degrees. Scorching sounds.
P: Guys... I'm so thirsty, guys.
C: You ain't the only one.
T: B'ys, how about we find a fountain, eh?
M: Blimey, there's flying rats crapping in the fountain! Let's find a proper boozer instead.
P: And the summer has just began... Have mercy...
T: Oh hey, there's a pizza place!
Tito leads the way to a pizzeria on the corner. He suddenly trips over a flyer.
M: You can't be serious. Did you seriously trip over a bit of paper?
T: Hey b'ys, check this out!
M: Let me read that.
Milton reads the flyer.
M: The Adios Voyage travel agency invites you to a vacation...
C: Let's head on down to the Caribbean, y'all! Nice and warm, there's some sweet coconuts hanging right off the trees.
T: And there's cacti in the Caribbean!
P: In Mexico, Tito.
C: And on the Old Continent!
M: We are just banging on about America, same difference!
Penn takes a look at the flyer.
P: Wait, can you see that?
M: See what?
P: In the yellow circle, at the bottom!
M: Yeah... A proper last-minute steal—four of us for a cheeky 80% off.
T: Not suspicious at all, bud!
C: Let's move.
The guys keep on walking.
The travel agency.
Leroy, a travel agent, welcomes the guys.
Le: Hi, welcome to Adios Voyage, how may I help?
T: We saw your flyer, you're giving a wicked 80% off deal for four folks!
Leroy furrows his brows.
Le: Let me have a look.
Leroy cleans the flyer, the 80% becomes 30%.
M: You can't be serious.
P: Any destinations?
Leroy takes out a comically large map from behind the desk, he hangs it on the wall.
Le: Have a looky at this. Athens and Sofia are selling out pretty quickly. A warm Alicante isn't a bad pick either, but I think you might fancy a spot in America.
C: That's what I'm talkin' 'bout!
Le: Amazing choice. Rocky Mountains for 5K, Boston for 4K, and so is California.
M: Hang on a mo.
The guys discuss ideas.
C: Fellas, how about the good ol' California?
P: Not my top pick. I'd rather go to Boston. They had some good canoe spots.
T: B'ys, don't forget the Rocky Mountains, eh?
C: Hold your horses, Tito! You reckon Hollywood up and vanished on you?
T: That's what I was talking about!
M: Go as you wish.
C: California be it.
The guys turn to Leroy.
C: Alright, give us some of that California.
M: I'm paying.
Milton pays, Leroy hands them flight tickets.
Le: Departure at 7 AM from Los Lobos, don't oversleep.
P: Thanks, man.
The guys leave.
In the kitchen.
The guys return home.
P: What's up?
A: What are you grinning at?
T: We're going to America tomorrow, bud!
M: What time?
P: 7 in the morning.
C: Y'all fixing to pack them bags?
M: It's about time.
Penn and Angie head to her bedroom, while the guys go to the living room. Penn can't fit his clothes in his case.
A: Need a hand?
P: If you could.
Angie takes the clothes out of Penn's bag, sorting them in fast-motion. Penn is stunned.
A: All done!
P: How'd you do that so fast?
A: You forgot I was in a hotel school, like?
P: Makes sense now. Thanks!
Angie sits down at her desk and opens a notebook.
P: Alright... I should check on the guys.
Penn leaves. Angie turns the pages in her notebook.
The living room.
Penn peeks into the room.
P: How's it hanging? Everybody-
Penn's jaw drops. Tito is running around with a shirt on his head, flailing his arms around. Chet is stuffed inside a case, tied up with socks.
T: Get this dang shirt off me! It's chewin' my skin right off, buddy!
Only Milton seems to be packing. He looks up at Penn.
M: What?
Penn turns around.
P: We're not gonna help you. Your circus, your monkeys.
M: Yeah, fuck you too!
C: Untie me!
Back to Angie's bedroom... She's listening to music, rocking her head sideways.
P: Studying, I see?
A: Took a wee break. Give Matty's band's braw new tune a wee listen!
Angie hands Penn one earbud. An ear-piercing screamo song can be heard.
P: Is that what they're writing now?
A: That's what they've started with! Screamo and metalcore tunes! And that Shriek fella used to play black metal, ken?
P: Ughh... BM makes my skin crawl. They're screaming bloody murder!
A: Like you know better.
P: I don't know any better? Girl, I was born with likes for heavy music, just not this heavy!
Angie turns away.
A: Bloody poser.
P: Oh yeah?
A: Aye!
Penn leaves the bedroom.
Back to the living room.
It's the middle of the night. Milton and Tito are sound asleep. Microwave beeping can be heard from the kitchen. Someone takes a plate out, Milton wakes up.
M: What absolute sod is kicking up such a bloody racket?
Milton heads into the kitchen. Chet is sitting at the table, eating stinky cheese. Milton gags.
M: Have you lost your mind?
C: I'm hungry as a woodtick.
M: At some ungodly hour?!
Baby Shark can be heard from the living room. Chet and Milton are flabbergasted. Tito leaves the bedroom.
T: B'ys, what's the matter?
M: What the bloody hell was that?
T: Baby Shark, eh?
Tito sniffs and turns green.
T: I'm feeling queasy, bud!
Tito storms off into the bedroom.
M: Put that thing away, are you trying to pong the whole house out?
Penn joins the guys in the kitchen.
P: What's all that dang noise?
C: An extraordinary gathering of the council has been summoned to ponder a... most weighty affair.
P: Who's got the tickets?
M: I got them. Got the cab?
P: Can do.
Penn's phone rings.
P: Hey, man.
D: ¡Hola, muchachos! Glad to hear you! Be there in quince minutos!
M: In how much again?
D: Quince - ¡Uno, cinco!
P: We're coming downstairs in a bit.
D: See you!
Penn puts the phone away.
P: You've heard him right! Let us move, we can't have him waiting for an eternity.
The guys leave. Tito flushes the toilet, running after the others.
T: Wait for me, eh!
The airport.
Diego takes the guys to the entrance.
D: Por favor, here we are.
The pink taxi drives away, Diego waves.
D: ¡Hasta luego, niños!
C: I ain't never been up in the air before!
P: Me neither.
The guys wander. Milton checks his ticket.
M: Flight 1733, gate 3C.
T: It's an Airbus A220, bud!
The guys line up before security.
AW1: All of your clothes off! No watches, no jewelry, we don't want to see nothing!
The guys take off some accessories. Tito and Chet walk through with no problem. Penn is stopped by a worker.
AW1: Your boots?
Penn takes them off.
AW1: They rock, can I keep them?
Penn chuckles.
P: Not today.
AW1: You're good.
Milton on the other hand is bickering with another security worker.
M: It's just an implant, how on earth is that a security risk?
AW2: Ah, give it a rest already! You should've given us a heads-up sooner.
Milton walks through TSA.
M: They must've thought I was carrying a bomb.
A loud alarm sounds through the airport.
M: But I don't even have one, what are they on about now?
Crony is fleeing the security with a rocket launcher on his arm.
Cr: Well now, I never would've figured a launcher wouldn't get past that TSA bunch!
The guys look surprised. A clock at the airport sounds, it's 7 AM now.
M: We're running late!
The guys run to the plane.
In the plane.
The guys board last minute, taking seats in the rear.
P: So lucky!
C: 'Bout time!
Yves, a co-worker of the guys, is sitting in front of them.
Y: Howdy!
C: Do we know you, mister?
Y: The name's Yves, you guys aren't from TT, are you?
P: Uh, yeah.
Y: Off to California, I see?
P: Just on a vacation.
Y: So am I, I'm so damn happy!
The plane takes off.
M: I can't hear a dickey-bird, my lugs! Can you, Tito?
Tito is not in his seat.
M: Tito?
At the very back of the plane.
Tito is standing at the back of the plane, by the door.
T: Time to let a bit of fresh air in here, dontcha think?
Dave, one of the passengers, stops Tito.
Dv: What are you doing, dude?! Get away from there!
T: Get some air in there? No problem, bud!
Tito opens the door. A passenger sitting by Dave is sucked out.
Dv: Harry, no!
Milton runs to the back.
M: Shut that bloody door!
Tito closes the plane's door, as if nothing ever happened.
T: Much better, eh?
Dv: Dude, he just killed Harry!
M: Stop messing about and sit down!
Milton takes Tito by the hand. Dave and his two friends look in fear.
California.
The guys leave the airport.
C: Where we bound for?
P: A hotel, we need to book in.
M: Lead the way.
Penn takes the guys to the hotel. At the three star hotel reception room...
P: This is the place.
C: Milt, care to go on and lock us in for that?
Milton approaches the clerk.
Cl: Hi, how can I help you?
M: Could we book a room for four, please?
Cl: Book in?
M: Yes.
Milton pays for the room, the clerk hands out the keys.
Cl: Don't forget to come down for supper, guys!
M: Thank you.
The guys walk away.
M: Who fancies coming down for tea?
P: Why, we hungry?
T: Hamburger!
M: This isn't some bleedin' burger joint, you muppet! This is the finest hotel going, three cracking stars and top-notch nosh! Let me ask you again, fancy coming down for tea?
P: Leave that up to you.
C: I'm down.
M: Come on.
The guys head downstairs to the hotel restaurant.
At the hotel restaurant...
The guys sit down nearby the counter. A chef is flipping vegetables on a pan.
T: My mouth is watering, b'ys!
A waiter approaches the table. Thick accent.
Wa: Hello, what can I get for you?
T: Hamburger?
M: I would like a big steak.
P: Could I get the chili con carne?
Chet is looking at the menu.
C: Fellas? What is that?
Chet points at a dish called Cheddar Ananas Casserole.
C: Cheddar something casserole...
T: Now that looks wicked good!
Chet points at the dish.
C: Get me this casserole, fella!
Wa: Will that be all?
The guys nod. The waiter leaves. Tito giggles.
P: What's so funny?
T: Chet just ordered a pineapple and cheese casserole!
M: Right, I get it. I know absolute nutters who actually like pineapple on pizza. Someone I know even made a pineapple soup once, but a whole barmy cheese and pineapple bake? Absolute madness!
C: Well, what’s the worst that could happen? Lose a tooth and a nickel?
At the hotel room.
Penn, Tito and Milton are sitting in the room. Chet is screaming from the bathroom.
C: Lord preserve us!
M: But you don't believe in God.
C: I'm fightin' for my life down here! How come not a single soul spoke up?
Chet groans in pain.
M: Penn, what's our game plan out here in California?
P: Resting?
M: Pull the other one, what are we doing?
T: B'ys, why don't we go out, eh?
M: Go out where?
P: I'm sure Chet said something about gambling and strip clubs.
M: The latter - definitely not. But gambling?
P: Yeah! Don't you know that one song?
Penn takes out a bass guitar from his bedside and plays Ace of Spades.
P: You know I'm born to lose, and gambling's for fools! But that's the way I like it, baby, I don't want to live forever!
Penn plays the bass, Tito joins in.
T: And don't forget the joker!
Penn plays a solo. Chet calls out from the toilet.
C: Fellas, I'm clean out of TP!
The hotel room doors.
Milton enters with a big pack of toilet paper.
M: I've been stuck in queue for absolute ages!
C: Fetch me a roll, Milt?
Milton hands a roll of toilet paper to Chet.
C: Appreciate it.
Penn calls someone.
T: What are you up to?
P: We should call the girls up, let them know we've arrived.
Angie picks up. Video chat.
A: Alright?
P: Hey, we're doing just fine.
T: Hi, Angie!
A: Hello, Tito!
Milton sits by the bedside.
P: What's up?
A: Pure boggin' out there, fair chuckin' it down, as you can see.
P: What a pity! Shame it's sunny out here.
Angie giggles.
A: Oh, give us peace!
P: What peace? That's a fact!
Chet joins the rest.
C: Howdy, what'd I miss?
P: The rain back home.
Angie sighs.
A: I'm the bugger goat.
C: Don't think it's just you. Somethin' I ate sure didn't sit right.
A: Aw... Right, I'm off! Gotta skelpit! See you around, troops!
P: See you!
C: Bye now!
Angie hangs up. Penn stretches.
P: How about we hit the sack for now?
M: I'm shattered. My battery's on it's last legs.
The guys lie down.
C: Good night, fellas.
P: Goodnight.
Everyone lies in bed. Tito opens his eyes, gets up and hits Penn with a pillow all of a sudden.
T: Pillow fight!
P: You bastard!
Penn laughs, he takes on Tito. Chet and Milton join in. View from the hallway, fade to black.
End of episode 7.