Episode 3
Fishy, Fishy!
Early morning.
Penn and Angie are sleeping. A knock on the door, Madison is talking to an unidentified person.
Ma: Good to see you, but are you why so early?
?: The early bird catches the worm!
Penn wakes.
P: Angie?
Angie opens her eyes.
P: Who's at the door?
A: It's Uncle Johnny, looking for a chum to go fishing with.
Uncle Johnny peeks into his niece's room.
UJ: Angie! Good to see you, your uncle came for a visit!
A: Aye right, uncle?
UJ: Who's this, another girl companion of yours?
P: A guy companion.
Uncle Johnny looks a bit confused.
A: Penn's his name, he's just fitted in.
P: Nice to meet you.
Penn gets up from bed and shakes Uncle Johnny's hand.
UJ: Say, youngster, you wouldn't like to go fishing with me, would you?
P: Sure, why not?
UJ: I reckon Angie wants to stay, she doesn't want to get dirty!
Uncle Johnny laughs.
The living room.
Milton wakes up.
M: Who's up and about at this stupid o'clock?
Milton peeks out from the living room. Uncle Johnny notices him.
UJ: Well, well, well!
Tito and Chet peek out too.
UJ: How many of you boys were there? That's fine with me though, more plongeurs to go with!
T: A plunger? But we already have one, eh?
UJ: Let's go fishing, shall we?
C: Fishin'? Don't mind if I do, here ain't a better way to unwind.
T: Fish? As in fish and chips?
M: No! Bloody twit...
UJ: I reckon you have your fishing rods?
M: Bloody hell, mate! You have us up at five and expect us to be ready to go?
Uncle Johnny smiles.
UJ: No need to worry, I got us some rods and a net ready. Come on, meet me by the jeep.
M: I'm not going.
UJ: Oh, you are! All of you are going!
C: Can I get us a beer?
UJ: Sure you can! Who says you can't?
C: Yee, let's hit the road!
Uncle Johnny's jeep.
A news program can be heard from the radio.
Reporter: Shoddy Radio. Breaking news from the capital! The country's president is coming to...
T: Hey, Uncle Johnny, can we throw on a tune?
UJ: You want a tune, here goes a tune!
Uncle Johnny puts on some old rock music, Kickstart My Heart.
UJ: Now that's what I call real music. Woah, yeah! Kickstart my heart, give it a start!
Penn looks at the radio.
P: Can we play something a bit more modern?
Penn changes the station. "Tears Don't Fall" by Bullet for My Valentine is playing.
P: Let's go!
Penn headbangs to the breakdown.
C: What the heck is this crap? Let's put some real music on!
Chet puts Village People on.
C: It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.! It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.!
Chet and Tito dance together at the back.
M: As if, that's proper rubbish! Check this one out!
Milton takes control of the radio, he puts Bodysnatcher on.
Radio: What's up bitch? Fuck you!
The intense guitar and guttural vocals shake the car.
P: Didn't know you liked that!
Penn and Milton headbang together.
T: My turn, eh!
M: We don't want to listen to your toss, metal rocks!
C: And I ain't hankering either! Give me that, right quick!
(UJ: None of you youngers know real music!)
Everyone is fighting for the radio, putting on every possible radio station. Uncle Johnny loses control of his car, it drives into a ditch.
UJ: What have you done?! My Jeep!
Struggling noises can be heard from the trunk.
In the ditch.
Chet and Uncle Johnny open the trunk to find Hippie, Uncle Johnny's colleague.
UJ: Hippie, the hell are you doing here?
H: Wassup... I thought we could ditch the scene and truck on.
UJ: Get out of here, or else the highway administration will snatch you!
Hippie jumps out of the trunk, knocking a few fishing rods in the process.
M: Where on earth did you come from, mate? Are you pansy or what?
UJ: He's my good old buddy. He actually did hide in the trunk a few times.
H: What about you all? The fishing season has just started, you're ready to sail already?
T: We're coming to the fishing boat!
H: Awesome, dude! I wonder if Johnny will forget the fish again?
UJ: As if. Come on, let's hit the fishing hut up, by the lake.
Everyone goes to the lake.
The fishing hut.
Hippie hands the life vests out for the guys.
H: Safety number one, kiddos!
T: But we're not kiddos!
H: I'm just kidding, what's it with you today?
UJ: Nice one, Hippie! High five!
Uncle Johnny and Hippie high five. The former is setting up the gear.
UJ: Here you go, three rods. The fourth one is catching with me, on the net!
M: I'm going first.
P: Me too!
C: And me!
T: Come on, b'ys... I wanted to fish, too!
UJ: You can have mine, boy!
H: We're just gonna set the net up, you all can take turns fishing! See you in a couple minutes on the fishing boat!
Hippie and Uncle Johnny leave the hut.
On the boat.
Uncle Johnny is finishing up.
P: Well, who's first?
M: Me.
C: And I'll go last.
(P: Cause I'm easy.)
T: I'll go third!
Hippie is walking around the boat.
H: Hey uh, you didn't forget to get the bait, did you?
M: Johnny gave us that tin of corn.
P: Who's got that can?
Tito is chewing on something. He's got an empty can in his hand.
P: Tito? Did you eat all the corn?
T: Uh, no! Just the snacks! The little pink ones, eh? Still moving, must have been fresh!
C: Were they movin'?
M: You bloke!
H: Oh my... those weren't snacks. You- you ate the wigglers!
T: What wigglers?
H: The worms!
There are still some worms on Tito's tongue. He leans overboard and throws up. Uncle Johnny notices.
UJ: Seasick?
T: No, I just had some-
UJ: Something bad! You're not alone on this one! Still gonna be puking?
Tito shakes his head.
UJ: That's my boy. Could you look for my backpack at the bridge? I could use a snack.
Tito nods and heads for the bridge.
UJ: Get some for our friends up here, too! Some sandwiches will do!
On the boat.
Everyone is fishing. There are a few fish in the bucket already. Hippie's got something large.
H: Oh, I got a bite!
He drags the rod, reels hard. A 2-foot long asp begins banging against Hippie's long.
H: What a bastard, he's huge!
C: (Heeey!)
H: Stun that SOB!
Penn hits too hard, he crushes the fish's head.
H: Good hit, kiddo! In the barrel he goes!
Penn tosses the fish into a barrel. Tito and Uncle Johnny are fishing with a net.
T: Uncle, look!
Tito points at an old boot.
T: Still counts, eh?
UJ: Keep trying, and you'll catch one!
Tito frowns.
UJ: Be patient, Tito. The golden rule - be patient!
At the stern of the boat...
Chet and Milton are spin fishing. Chet is whistling.
C: Where are them fishes at? Fishy-fishy, where are you at?
M: You got anything?
C: Three. Wait up, wait!
Chet catches a small fish.
C: Four.
M: What on earth is that?
C: Don't know.
Chet inspects the fish, he laughs.
C: But it kind of reminds me of Penn.
The fish's head is covered in kelp, they resemble Penn's hair.
P: I heard that!
Uncle Johnny notices a fish that the guys are holding.
UJ: Amazing, you've caught a rare bleak fish.
H: Toss her back in, she's a protected species!
Chet prepares to toss the fish in.
C: Fly, girl, fly!
M: Careful, didn't you just hear him?
Chet crouches, he carefully releases the fish. It falls right into the jaws of a pike.
M: You can't be serious right now!
The bridge.
Uncle Johnny steers the boat. Another fishing boat can be seen in the distance. Andy, a friend of Uncle Johnny is swimming past.
An: Johnny!
UJ: Andy, whatcha doing out there so early?
An: Well, we're just makin' the most of it before those no-good sumbitches go messin' up the water again!
UJ: Speaking of the sumbitches, I can see some of them in the distance!
An: Johnny, the heck are they fixin' to do?
UJ: A BBQ?
Two men are on a raft, barbecueing. Milton walks into frame, he notices the raft.
M: Bunch of pillocks... Oi, Chet! Can you see them?
Chet made his way to the raft.
M: Hey, you get back here!
On the raft.
Chet is standing on the raft with Caleb and Randy, the two men. He crushes a can of drink and throws it in the water.
C: Who'd have thunk it? Grilling on a raft? That just beats all.
Ra: Dude, I think someone is after you.
Milton is screaming at Chet.
M: Hop back on board, you berk!
Chet shows him the forearm jerk.
C: Yeah, up yours! Told 'em, right?
A deep rumble can be heard from under the water.
Ca: You heard that?
Ra: what?
A giant shark leaps out of the water, it eats Caleb and Randy whole. Chet falls into the water.
C: Holy shit, folks! Shark!
He is swimming as fast as he can, towards the boat.
The fishing boat.
Hippie and Penn are putting fish in a bucket.
C: Folks, over here!
Chet lifts himself up and jumps on the boat. He's all wet.
P: What's up with you?
C: Shark... a huge shark...!
H: Brother, are you high on something? Chill out!
An ominous rumble.
P: What did you get us into?
The shark hits the boat's side, everyone is launched backwards.
UJ: I've been fishing here for 32 years, I've never had anything like that happen on me!
The shark vigorously bangs it's teeth against the boat. Hippie falls into the water.
T: Man overboard!
UJ: Hang tight, we'll get you out! Hey, what was your name again?
C: Chet.
UJ: Oh yeah, Chet... Toss him that rope, or he'll get eaten alive!
C: Sure thing!
Chet throws the rope. The other three are throwing rocks at the shark.
M: Get outta here, stupid nutter!
T: Take that!
A shot rings out from behind them. The guys turn around, Uncle Johnny is standing with a double-barrel.
UJ: Crisis averted!
The shark sinks to the bottom.
H: Uncle, that was totally wicked!
UJ: Yeah... Don't call me "Uncle" again.
H: High five?
Uncle Johnny and Hippie high five, freeze frame.
On the shore.
Hippie helps Uncle Johnny tow the boat.
H: You guys liked the trip?
P: Was okay.
(T: Fine ride, eh?)
M: I didn't. I've no intention of ending up in a kraken's pie hole next time.
The guys laugh.
P: Come on, we'll get a cab. The jeep is toast.
The guys are walking through the forest. A hooker approaches them, just as they stop by the road.
Ho: Are you waiting for someone? Mind if I kept you company?
P: No thanks, not interested.
Ho: Alright then.
The hooker walks away.
C: But she had them mighty fine boots with the fur, ain't she?
M: And a bunch of venereal diseases waiting for you, you out of your mind?
The hooker is crossing the road, but the taxi hits her. Diego, the Mexican driver, rolls the window down. Irritating Latino music can be heard from the car.
D: Hola, muchachos! Come on in!
The guys enter the cab.
D: Where to, compañeros?
P: Could you drop us off at-
The street name is drowned out by a passing truck.
P: 26?
D: Claro está! We'll be there in 10 mins.
The taxi drives off.
In the cab.
Milton fell asleep in the back. Diego is chatting with his wife at the same time.
(D: Hola, cariño.)
T: He's sleeping like a baby!
Tito reaches for a bottle of tabasco sauce that he found. Diego is getting increasingly worried.
(D: ¿Qué pasa? ¿A qué te refieres con «no tengo tiempo para mi familia»?)
Tito draws Chet's attention, he pours the contents into Milton's mouth.
(D: ¿Ah, así que soy una perdedora? Mírate a ti misma, chica. Estás ahí sentada sin hacer nada productivo.)
They both laugh. Milton begins to twitch in his sleep. He's groaning, then he starts screaming in pain.
M: Get me some fucking water!
Milton takes a bottle from behind Diego's seat. Turns out, it was some even hotter sauce.
(D: Carlita, no. ¡Piensa en Javier, piensa en nuestros hijos!)
Milton's face literally catches flame. Tito and Chet giggle. Diego looks like he is about to cry.
D: ¿Qué quieres decir con «estaremos mejor sin ti»? Tranquilízate, estás muy alterado.
Penn glances at Diego with empathy. Carlita is screaming loudly at Diego, the call ends abruptly. Diego sobs quietly.
P: Are you okay, man?
D: Sí, sí. Don't worry about me.
By the tenement house...
Diego pulls up, the guys leave. He wipes his tears.
D: We're here...
Penn pats Diego's back.
P: It's not your fault, pal. Give the kid all you can.
D: I will.
Diego drives away. The guys enter the building.
On the stairs...
An argument between the sisters can be heard.
M: Until you live at my house, you will listen to me!
A: If only I lived at ma's, I wouldn't have to care less!
(M: You don't get our mother into this! You listen to me, young lady...)
Penn smiles.
P: Would you look at that, fights always ensue between them.
T: If only I had any siblings, b'ys.
C: We're all we've got, boys!
M: You're right. We all come from one... "father". Technically, we are kind of like siblings.
T: Like brothers, eh?
The guys hug each other.
P: Well? How about a fish dinner?
Penn notices that there's no fish.
P: Uhh, guys? Anyone got the fish?
Everyone shakes their head. In the cab...
D: Mmm... pescados. I could make some paella from them!
There is a bucket of fish under the passenger seat. Iris out.
End of episode 3.